


The Gunshot. The Blood. His Fault.

by jxices



Category: The Politician (TV 2019)
Genre: "I conjure him", (:, Angst, Completely Un-edited, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Not Smut but considerably gay, Payton has PTSD, Payton's weird gay River fantasies, River Dies, gun tw, shower scene, suicide TW, yeah okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxices/pseuds/jxices
Summary: Walking near River's house brings up bad memories for Payton. He... takes a shower.
Relationships: River Barkley/Payton Hobart
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	The Gunshot. The Blood. His Fault.

**Author's Note:**

> !!! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNEDITED !!!  
> I usually don't write this poorly. I promise xoxo (:

Payton seemed to always have River on his mind these days. They started construction on the street that leads straight to his house, which meant he had to take a detour on the way to and from school. That detour took him right past River’s house-- his family’s house. Of course, he could just lengthen the walk a little bit by taking the neighbouring street. He could take the car-- speed it up a bit… But some innate part of Payton enjoyed walking by River’s house. He hadn’t the slightest clue why. One would assume that because Payton had made the worst memory of his life in that house, he’d avoid it at all costs.

Payton still remembers the night it happened. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it really was his fault-- What River did. Payton was yelling-- crying, even. River had a tendency to make him do that. Then there was the gunshot. So loud. So loud. How could something make a noise so loud that you never stop hearing it? Then there was the blood. Payton had never seen that much blood before. So much blood. Too much. How is there that much blood inside someone? One minute, River was River. The next, he was a corpse. 

Today, Payton walked by River’s house again. It has been about two weeks now. How long does construction really take? It’s only a water pipe. Or something. When Payton passes the house, he tends to keep his head down. But he can see it. Looking down on him in the corner of his eye. He can’t completely look away, that’s ridiculous. It’s pretty funny, actually. The day before it happened, that house was just that-- a house. Blending into the houses surrounding it. As perfect and lovely as the rest of the neighbourhood. The day after it happened, the house stuck out like a sore thumb. A cruel and unusual reminder of the days that had passed. So dark. That’s what the house was. It only fueled the dark that had been sleeping at the back of Payton’s mind. It had a throbbing hunger, that evil. The sight of the house only made the dark grow, and eat up all of Payton’s consciousness. The dark didn’t just eat. It also fed Payton infectious thoughts. The gunshot. The blood. His fault. 

Maybe today, the dark was louder than before, because when Payton finally got home, he slammed the door behind him. He hoped no one had heard it, but it echoed through the rooms and halls of the spacious house. His brow furrowed. He climbed-- marched-- up the stairs, throwing his backpack behind him. The ground below him looked like rapid water as he ran toward the bathroom. He needed to kill this dark. Clean off this disgusting filth that encompassed him. He felt dirty and awful. He nearly ripped his clothes as he threw them off. He tossed his polo, not caring where it landed. Jumped out of his shoes and hurled them away. Quickly undid his belt and pulled it away from his body. Payton wiggled out of his trousers and boxers on his way into the shower, and peeled off his socks. He was sweating-- Hard. Maybe it wasn’t just sweat, because he had begun to cry, too.

It was even harder to distinguish the sweat from the tears when he turned on the shower. He made the water as hot as he possibly could, hoping the steam would fill the room so he wouldn’t have to see himself. He pressed the flat part of his forearms against the frigid wall of the shower to prop himself up. He sat his head against the wall, too. He let the water, the sweat, and the tears flow off the tip of his nose. He pinched his eyes shut, trying to forget everything. The gunshot. The blood. His fault. Then even more came rushing back to him. The shower he took-- after it happened. He stood right here, just like this, and watched the blood swirl down the drain. Not just “The” blood. River’s blood. He had River’s blood all over him-- He still is covered with River’s blood, and he’s convinced it will never come off. He let out a soft whimper of a cry, his lips pursed-- when he heard a voice behind him.

“Payton,” The voice said, and Payton jumped and looked over his shoulder. He saw River there, fully clothed, making that face he makes. That face where he looks through his eyelashes… There’s nothing like his smile. Sort of subtle-- and perfect. “R-River?” Payton could barely force the name out of his lips. He thought he was over with these strange visions. He knew it wasn't real-- River had stepped closer to Payton… Into the water. Without getting wet. River grabbed Payton’s upper arms. “Do the breathing exercise with me,” River said softly. Payton took in a shaky breath, hesitating, but only for a moment. He normally would have been taken back by this sudden hallucination, but seeing River was the only thing he needed right now. “1,” The two breathed out. “2,” Again. “3,” River’s hands slowly traveled down Payton’s arms. “4,” The two looked at each other.   
“I miss you. All the time.” Payton said, his voice breaking. “I know,” River replied. “Why did you do it?” Payton asked, looking up at his old friend with his big, Disney eyes. River slowly exhaled.

“Sometimes… Things need to happen,”

“N-no… No, that didn’t need to happen--”

“It wasn’t because of you. I know you think it was, but it wasn’t.” River smiled at Payton. He only shook his head and let out a sob. 

“River?” Payton took a pause. “I love you.” 

“I know.” 

Payton shut his eyes so tight. He felt the pad of River’s thumb against his cheek, and leaned into the touch. He slowly lifted his arm to touch River’s hand. When he opened his eyes, no one was there. He was just lifting his arms. He started shaking. His entire body was just-- shaking. So bad. He walked back into the wall, and slid down to hit the floor. The gunshot. The blood. His fault. Steam filled the room. Payton reached out his hands into the impenetrable haze, hoping to feel anything there. Nothing. So dark. So dark. So dark…


End file.
